


Blessings Wait

by timothytheowl



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trigger Warning: Mention of Death, fair warning i dont like his uncle, i wrote an angel jisung fic for anyone who wanted it after seeing him in angel wings, idk what im doing, ill add more tags with each chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 17:17:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20049688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timothytheowl/pseuds/timothytheowl
Summary: Jisung hates humans. Unfortunately, he's a guardian angel, so he better get over it quick or els- oh wait that guy's hot...





	Blessings Wait

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning: mention of (side character) death, mental breakdown, idk his uncle is a jerk
> 
> i hope this lives up to the expectations of my friends and people who want to read this
> 
> thank you to my instagram babes for being my sense of motivation everyday i wrote this for yall. especially thanks to my two beta readers, stanskzyoucowards and ram_yayaya, who read this shit show the entire time i was writing it

"...and then he told me he never wanted to see me again. That he couldn't date someone so delusional, nor, and I quote, 'someone so sinful that they think they could ever come close to being one of the pure angels of God.' I don't understand what his problem was, Sung!" Younghyun sobbed into his hands, cream colored wings drooping behind him, looking utterly pitiful sitting on the floor of Jisung's room. Jisung hated seeing his older cousin this way, he had had real hope on Younghyun’s last visit from Earth, when he had told Jisung how much he loved his boyfriend. Seeing the difference between the two visits home, between an upbeat, excited and grossly infatuated mess to a sobbing, broken hearted mess, it made Jisung want to go down to Earth just to find this bitch and punch his face so hard his fist would have to get surgically removed from his brain. 

“I swear I’m gonna go down to Earth right now and murder that bitchass, you don’t deserve that! I mean, what a fucking dick! Ooh, the number of things I could think to do to make him pay…” Jisung muttered darkly. Younghyun just looked up at him with what he probably thought was a smirk or smile, but honestly looked too sad to be on his face, blurred by tears as it was. 

“Or you could just come here and give me a hug to make me feel better right now, maybe pretend to like me for two seconds,” he said jokingly, shaking Jisung from his disturbing, very unangellike thoughts, at least for now. 

Jisung rolled his eyes, musing that “of course you’d say that, ass” before plopping down next to his cousin and all but draping himself over his back, resting his head on the older angel’s shoulder and closing his eyes.

“What kind of person would I be if I encouraged thoughts of mutilation, huh?” Younghyun laughed shakily, moving his wings around his cousin.

“A proper cousin, that’s what kind,” Jisung murmured, blindly wiping away the tears still left on his cousin’s face, hoping they would be the last of their kind for a while at least. 

“Wake up, you demon,” was all Jisung heard before being lifted from the bed he didn't remember laying on and bring spun in his cousin's arms, wings attempting to open in shock but trapped. Five seconds and he was dropped back onto his bed, where he lay for a second, his blue-tinted wings spread from the surprise awakening. He yawned, debated getting up until he noticed his vision had gone a familiar shade of "fuck i cant see shit," then rolled over to go back to sleep.

“You ass, I know you heard me. C’mon, Father wants you,” Younghyun’s sudden tone change at the mention of their guardian cut through Jisung’s internal debate. 

Jisung looked up, blinking at his cousin. "Did he tell you what he wanted?" he asked in a voice he hoped would pass as simply curious, but that he knew was far too weak, too scared. He took a deep breath to combat the anxiety he could already feel slowly building in his chest, wings curling around his arms unconsciously. Younghyun shook his head apologetically, his face screwing up in thought. They both knew it was a bad idea to meet their guardian without even a slight inclination as to why he was calling them. 

"Maybe he's angry about when I snuck out last week to go to the river…" Jisung thought aloud, biting his thumbnail lightly. 

"Wait you snuck out last week?" Younghyun asked incredulously. "Actually, that's not important. I doubt he knows about that, but he seemed angry, so maybe that is it… Don't mention it first though. You don't know what he's mad about, and if it's not that, that could just land you in more shit."

"I know, I know. I just… I can't think of anything he'd know about, though," Jisung started pacing, staring at the floor.

"Well, you can't keep him waiting too long," his cousin reminded him, nodding at the door. Jisung nodded, shifting his face into cool neutrality before leaving his room. 

Jisung took a deep breath, standing in front of the wooden door, listening. He couldn't hear his uncle inside, but he knew that he would be in there. He rearranged his mask of features to not betray any of his anxiety or other emotions, then knocked on the door, waiting for a sign to enter. 

“Come in,” came a flat voice from inside, usually warm and inviting but turned cold and dead as metal under the disappointment of whatever Jisung had fucked up this time.

Jisung walked into his uncle's room, staring at the man inside with a blank expression that he knew his uncle hated. It made him look like he wasn't listening, though he was, but it helped Jisung school his emotions and not let them show on his face. Once back to the safety of his own room, he could let go, but here was dangerous territory for him. 

"Do you have any idea why I've called you here?" his uncle started easily, his ivory wings stretching slightly, though Jisung could hear how he was controlling his voice, keeping it at a normal volume and tone. Whatever he had done, he had really fucked up. The head of house usually never tried to control his anger towards anyone, only doing so when he was extremely upset. So upset he would be angry even being in the same room as the person he was angry at. Jisung was royally fucked.

Jisung's heart sank and he almost took a sharp breath, but managed to disguise it as a deep breath, making sure his face was still as neutral as he could manage before he answered.

"No, sir"

"No, of course not," his uncle snarled sarcastically, turning away from him, his wings flaring for a moment. Jisung gaped at him for a millisecond, before remembering where he was and smoothing his features again. His uncle never let his emotions away this quickly, nor was he ever so rude to him.

"How old are you, Jisung?" his uncle turned back to him, false sense of pleasantries back again. Jisung blinked at the seemingly random question, confusion lacing his brows.

"...you mean… in human years? Or…?" Jisung started, confused, before being cut off.

"Human years, yes, tell me your age, boy," his uncle answered with gritted teeth, waving a hand impatiently.

"Um, 20, sir."

"Yes you are, aren't you. And can you think about anything specific about your particular age?"

Oh. Jisung flinched. That's what this is about.

"Y-yes, sir," Jisung mumbled, wings drooping.

"And what, pray tell, would that specific thing be?"

"At the age of 20, all guardian angels must go down to Earth and find a human, who they will then protect for the rest of the human's life, except in extreme or special cases," Jisung recited tonelessly, his insides twisting.

"That's right. Now, tell me. Have you gone to Earth to find a human yet? You are of the proper age, you know it's a requirement, yet I've never heard you mention it to me, nor have you ever gone to Earth, not that I'm aware of."

"I haven't, sir." Truthfully, Jisung had never been to Earth. He hated Earth, hated humans. It just sounded dirty and disgusting, thanks to the humans inhabiting it. They lied, cheated, stole, broke hearts like his cousin's without a second thought. He honestly hoped to live his entire life without ever meeting a single human. But of course, he had to be born as a guardian angel, so that was not an option.

His uncle drew a large breath, letting it out slowly before continuing on. Jisung could tell his blank features were starting to get on his uncle’s nerves. “And why is that? Hmm? I know you’re capable. Are you an extreme or special case? Should you be exempt from having to find a human?”

“No, sir.”

“Then why haven’t you found a human?” Jisung eyes fell until he was looking at the floor between his uncle’s feet, unable to match the man’s accusing glare. 

“Answer me. Why don’t you have a human,” his uncle hissed, leaning forward. His wings, though feather soft, looked like they could cut steel in this moment, rigid as they were. Here, Jisung could hear the fire behind his voice, a cold fury that had sounded dead only minutes before. 

“I don’t want one. You’ve heard the stories we’re told, the horrible things they’ve done. Why would any guardian angel ever want to protect a human when they’ve heard only awful things? Not to mention Younghyun’s boyfriend? The human he now has to protect? That jerk broke his heart, and Younghyun still has to care about him. I don’t see how that’s fair, sir.” 

“No one cares about fair, boy. The world isn’t fair. And you’d do well to learn that fact,” his uncle yelled, spit flying. “I don’t care if you don’t want to find a hu-.”

“What about my father, sir?” Jisung knew he had said the right thing, his uncle’s face momentarily crumbling under guilt and sorrow. He stopped a moment, coaxing his wings to relax from where they were raised at his outburst. “I don’t know about you, but I’d really prefer not to end up like him. I don’t want to go down to Earth just to find some poor excuse of a life form to protect like my m- like that woman.”

“I do not care what you think, or what you want. You must go out and find a human because that’s who you are. You are a guardian angel. You find a human, and you protect them. And you cannot change that fact. Unless, of course, you’d rather your wings be cut.” Jisung flinched at the thought. “I didn’t think so. So, if you don’t want that to happen, I’d suggest you get over this childish fit and-” Jisung stopped listening. His eyes boggled and his face grew dark, wings starting to rise with anger. His uncle was reducing his fear and hatred of humans to a temper tantrum, though knowing everything he had suffered through, everything he had heard. He knew this would bite him in the ass in the future, but he wouldn't listen to his uncle insult him. He turned, not waiting for his uncle to dismiss him, and left the room as quickly as he could. 

Jisung swung his door shut, more forceful than he had intended, but he couldn’t bring himself to care much right now. From his bed, Younghyun looked up from where he had been reading, apparently waiting for his cousin to return and tell him what happened. His wings, which had been curled around himself, spread in worry. 

“What was it? Was it bad? Are you okay? What did he want?” his cousin pelted him with questions, but he just walked over to the bed, sat down, and promptly shoved his face into his blanket before letting slip the first of his tears, letting his wings lay over him.

“Wait, what was it? Was it anything?? What happened?” Younghyun asked, confused, until he saw Jisung’s shoulders shake, a quiet sob escaping his lips, muffled by the blanket. Without another word, Younghyun had Jisung wrapped in a warm hug, petting his hair and shushing him quietly.

Jisung hated crying, it made him feel weak and pathetic. But he could not stand his uncle insulting him or invalidating his fears or hatred. He hated humans, with a passion, and for good reason. He didn’t see how those disgusting pigs deserved rights in the slightest, much less guardian angels to protect them. Nearly every guardian angel in his family, or really nearly every guardian angel that was alive, had been hurt by humans in some way. Physical and emotional abuse upon angels from humans was considered normal. Broken hearts like Younghyun’s were overly common, physical harm like what happened to his uncle not a surprise anymore. Stories were told in school about the kind of humans you could meet, attempting to teach guardian angels what to watch out for on Earth, lest they find themselves stuck with one of those horrible people. But even after everything, many young angels still seemed excited to go to Earth, to find a human to protect, filled with a drive Jisung had never felt. This would almost always lead to foolish mistakes and wanting to bond to the first human they met. But once a guardian angel is bonded, they’re bonded for life, and they must protect their human. 

“I’m fine, it’s fine, it’s nothing, I’m honestly just overreacting,” Jisung mumbled, angry at the tears slowly travelling down his face. He brought up a hand and aggressively wiped his face, surely making it far more red than it would be if he was gentle, but he wasn’t feeling particularly gentle. He rubbed at his eyes roughly before Younghyun took his hand and set it back down, pinning it there to prevent any further damage. 

“Okay, let’s not do that, huh? Why don't you just tell me what happened, yeah? Whatever it is, it'll be fine, I’m -” Younghyun was cut off by footsteps outside the door, followed by the door opening, revealing their guardian.

Jisung tried to stand to face his uncle, but found that he was trapped within the arms of his cousin. He disentangled himself quickly, ignoring Younghyun's slight whine in shock, standing while hastily wiping his face and staring down his uncle, a determined look in his eyes that didn't match the tears blurring his vision. 

His uncle walked into the room, face dark, with which Jisung could feel his anxiety crawl up his throat, and his wings instinctively started to curl around his body. He drew a deep breath, allowing it to coat his lungs to suppress the mounting stress of his uncle being in his room so early after already having lectured him, and felt his wings relax. His uncle looked at him, seeming ready to finish the lecture he had been in the middle of before Jisung had left, but then caught sight of Younghyun behind him, his hand resting comfortingly on Jisung's shoulder. His wings ruffled slightly, debating, then he seemed to come to a decision and let out a small breath, standing taller.

"You have three days to prepare. After that, I want you out of this house," was all he said, deep baritone echoing menacingly around the room, before striding away. 

Jisung nodded, though he knew it wouldn't be seen. Already emotional and angry, he hung his head and cried until he had no tears left, allowing his wings to wrap themselves around his small body. Younghyun stared between the door and his cousin, trying to make sense of what was happening before giving up and enveloping Jisung in a hug.

Three days had never passed quicker, nor slower. There were a million things needing to be done, yet Jisung felt he could leave at any moment. The waiting was excruciating, though he didn't dare leave earlier. He knew this would be the last time he saw his cousin until, at the very least, the next year, and even then their visits home could possibly never line up again. 

Younghyun was his only family that truly felt like family, who even seemed to care for him at all. His uncle had of course agreed to take Jisung in, though that was out of a feeling of obligation towards Jisung's father. He had a multitude of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, though he had never been close to any of them. It was not customary to mingle outside your immediate family often, though that rule was obviously broken after Jisung lost his only immediate family and needed someone to stay with.

His uncle was nice enough, never failing in taking care of those he was responsible for. He was not Jisung’s father, though, and this had been increasingly apparent throughout his first year living with his uncle. He didn’t act the same, didn’t cook the same, didn’t know the same jokes his father had. Day after day, week after week, Jisung would wake in an unfamiliar bed, unfamiliar room, unfamiliar house. Greeted everyday by someone who was not his father, and he had to remind himself every morning that his father was dead, and would never tell him good morning ever again. 

Jisung forcefully shook himself from those thoughts, ones that would lead to a breakdown, which he could not afford to have right now as he was about to leave to Earth. Standing, he took stock before he would have to leave, though he didn’t have much with him. He wouldn’t be able to take much to Earth, since he would have to rely on his cover story of moving to the country for a change of scenery, or for escape. He wouldn’t have anything with him, to further the idea that he’s starting completely new wherever he was going. The real reason for this, though, was the fact that his belongings wouldn’t blend in with what was on Earth, or at least that’s what he was told. Jisung thought that the real reason angels couldn’t bring any belongings was so they didn’t get caught up on missing home, and focused on building a new life for themselves, and building a relationship with their human. So angels forgot what to miss faster and moved on, quickly becoming one with human society. That was why he would be going wearing only the clothes on his back, almost nothing to remind him of home. 

He pulled a small polaroid from his back pocket, a picture of him and Younghyun, making stupid faces at the camera. If anyone found the picture before he left, it could be confiscated, but he couldn’t imagine leaving home without it. Without it, he feared he would feel far too alone to continue past the first night on Earth. Most angels wouldn’t feel the need for something like this, would be fine on Earth, but then again most angels didn’t have anxiety or depression.

He was scared. Scared of what was to come, scared of what to expect, scared of change, scared of not having anything familiar around him. He could feel that the true weight of the situation hadn’t settled upon his bones yet, but he didn’t mind much; once his mind caught up and realized he would be leaving his home, he would have a breakdown, he knew. For now, he focused on the picture held in his shaking hands. So intensely was he thinking, staring but not seeing anything, he didn’t even hear his door open until he felt a hand on his shoulder. He started, going to shove the picture back in his pocket, fearful whoever owned the hand would take it. But turning, he saw the face of his cousin, concerned and sorrowful. 

Younghyun looked at Jisung’s eyes, clear but uncertain, his own tear-filled and worried, with hope shining through. He brought Jisung in for a hug, one full of all of the unspoken words between them, all unshared feelings. Jisung knew he would miss Younghyun more than anything else, but with that hug, he knew everything would work out in the end, that he would be okay. He didn’t need to worry.

His uncle could be heard calling Jisung’s name, alerting the pair that the time had come for Jisung to leave for Earth, to find a human. He groaned, resting his head on Younghyun’s shoulder for a second, his cousin’s hand coming to rest on his head. 

“Come on, it won’t be that bad, I promise. The anticipation is honestly worse than the actual trip, trust me,” Younghyun said, trying to coax Jisung to raise his head again. 

“Ah, you know that’s not what I’m worried about,” Jisung muttered. 

“Well then, let’s get it over with. You’ll be on Earth and it’ll be fine, trust me. Humans are honestly way nicer than we’re led to believe here. But… please be careful still. Not all humans are bad, but those stories exist for reasons.” It was clear Younghyun was worried, though trying to appear confident, wanting to be strong for his cousin. 

“I’ll be careful, don’t worry.” Jisung raised his head, rolling his eyes at his cousin’s worrying.

“Okay, but you have to promise to actually give Earth a chance.”

“Hmm…” Jisung pretended to ponder until receiving a light slap to the arm. “Fine, I promise to not immediately hate humans. I’ll give them 20 seconds.”

“You ass,” smiled Younghyun, pulling Jisung in for another quick hug before they both left the room. 

“You already know how to do this, so I won’t bore you with all the rules that I’m sure you’ve heard a million times already.” Jisung nodded, not looking his uncle in the face. “I don’t want to see you back here before a year is up, though. Find a human or don’t, but you may only come back to renew your wings, you hear?” his uncle said, prompting Jisung to look at him only to nod once, wings starting to curl around his body once again as tears began to sting his eyes. He knew he wouldn’t be welcome home until he found a human, and of course after that he’d have to be there on Earth for the human, but he didn’t expect to hear it put so bluntly. 

He looked to Younghyun, who smiled lightly and wrapped an arm around him. Oh, how he would miss these hugs, which seemed to completely melt away his problems and always left him feeling much better. 

“Please take care of yourself down there, Jisung. Okay? Be nice to people, and they’ll usually be nice back.” Jisung nodded, eyes starting to sting more as more tears gathered. He was really going to leave his family, his home, returning who knows when. “Oh, and when you first get to Earth, you’re gonna be very off-balanced, you know. It’ll take some getting used to, and sweaters are never as warm or soft as wings, but you’re gonna look drunk no matter what. So just try not to run into people? And maybe stay in one place for a while today while you adjust to everything physically. The mental adjustment will come later but I’m sure you’ll do fine. Oh god am I gonna miss you. You’re gonna love it, I’m sure, but god who am I gonna tease while you’re gone?” Younghyun tucked Jisung into another hug, his wings forming a warm cocoon for a moment, before he let Jisung go. 

Jisung looked at his cousin, giving a small nod, and, receiving one in return, turned to face the small hole in the floor. Angels, living in an alternate dimension, needed to use a dimensional portal to get to Earth, though Jisung hated how sci-fi it sounded. It was really just a small hole in the ground, no more than three feet in diameter, so inconspicuous anyone could walk right over it and accidentally fall through if they weren’t careful. Honestly, not much to look at. One would simply take a step forward and fall; that was the scariest part. But Younghyun had said it was more anticipation than it was worth, so Jisung was going to trust him. 

Tucking his wings, and giving them one last, loving pat while casually slipping his hand into his back pocket to make sure he still had his polaroid before he left, Jisung looked toward his uncle one last time. “Good luck,” was all he said, and so Jisung, before he could psyche himself out, took one step and fell.

A flash of color, a burst of sound, though he couldn’t be sure either had happened. Jisung opened his eyes, not sure what to expect, but being shocked nonetheless. All around him, scenes, stories, lives, flew by at the blink of an eye. He could see everything and nothing at all. He knew he was falling but felt rooted to his place. He couldn’t be sure if the zooming scenes before him were really moving at all. 

A shout of laughter, echoing in Jisung’s mind, pulled his eyes to a small human child being thrown in the air, presumably by his father. Carefree, innocent, joyful. Things Jisung would never expect to see in a human. He tried to study the child but all too soon the world was in motion again.

A breeze, so soft it could not move a butterfly’s wing, brought his attention to a lake, pristine and quiet, not a soul in sight. Wildlife could be seen, vaguely, but never ruining the glass top of the water. Jisung reached out, drawn towards this serene place, but it, too, was gone before he knew what was happening. 

For a time, he didn’t know how long, he watched these lives, these scenes, go by. Tens, hundreds, thousands. He watched a man’s entire life blossom them die before his eyes. He saw a blade of grass twitch. He saw colors no one would ever believe, drifting through the night sky. He saw things from his dreams, his nightmares. He saw things he could never have hoped to imagine. 

A small voice stopped Jisung. He froze, confused. Where had he heard that voice before? Turning, he saw a little boy with blue-tinted floor-length wings, laughing while sitting on the shoulders of… his own father. He was staring at his life. 

Pulled from the scene too early, tears already beginning to bunch in his eyes for what felt like the millionth time today, Jisung saw himself again. This time, he was much older, probably 15 years old, crying over a grave. Oh, he thought, that’s the day that father… but no. His father was right there, hand on his shoulder, crying as well. Looking closer, Jisung could see a small picture, perched in front of the tombstone. It looked like… Younghyun. Jisung, though knowing fully that his cousin was, in fact, well and alive, let out a small sob at the thought before moving on to the next story. He couldn’t imagine a life without his cousin in it, and it broke his heart to think that there was one.

This time, Jisung saw himself, just as he was. Well, almost. He had the same brown hair, the same brown eyes, the same wings that used to get in the way of everything. But his eyes, they didn’t look like his own. Had his eyes ever been this happy, this full of hope and excitement? Had his eyes ever looked so alive? And his smile. Had he ever smiled that brightly? He couldn’t remember a time when he had, especially after his father’s death. Looking over, he saw with a choked sob that his father was there, the reason for his alternate self’s smile. They appeared to be playing rock, paper, scissors, while Jisung’s dad was cooking, a bright and lively smile upon his face as well. Such a casual and domestic scene, yet it pulled on Jisung’s heart more than the others. He felt burning tears slide down his face as he thought of the unknown, the what-ifs. Then, all too soon, it was gone, and he was lost once more.

Pain, darkness, a distant sound of a dog barking, more pain, and Jisung was awake. He tried to sit up but could feel every muscle, even ones he didn’t know he had, burning. His eyes didn’t seem to want to open, his head pounding. He took a deep breath, but even that seemed difficult, his lungs not wanting to open up enough to give him air. Even then, the air felt stale, polluted, disgusting. But he was breathing, he was alive, and that was honestly all he could ask for at the moment. 

He took a second to calm down, assess if he had any broken bones. He didn’t, for which he was thankful, but he did feel a nasty bruise blossoming on his shoulder, and various other cuts, bruises, and scrapes littering his skin. He could feel that he was lying on his back on a pebble-littered ground, head turned to one side. He cracked one eye open, then the other, but, seeing complete darkness, started to panic. Was he now blind? Was he not on Earth after all? But no, his eyes, starting to adjust to the darkness, began to see a wall, a short metal fence, a park bench, a streetlamp spilling unnatural light onto the evening road. He heard a siren somewhere in the distance, another dog barking. Facing forward, or up in his case, he let his eyes close for a moment, breathing in a small sigh of relief at having gotten here in one piece, and with little to no harm done. He had been worried, despite teasing his cousin about it, and waking up in pain had not helped that. His eyelids fluttered open to look at the sky, to steady himself, but what he saw shocked him.

There, in the sky, were thousands of stars, of all sizes and colors. He had never seen anything like it in his life, and stared, transfixed. He gasped, but stopped when he realized how much it hurt his bruised chest and lungs, cringing. He turned his attention back to the sky, somehow more astounded than he had been at first glance. Back home, sure they had stars, but never to this magnitude. You’d be lucky if you spotted 10 stars in a night, but here the stars were abundant, hanging in the night sky, showing off their beauty to anyone who cares to so much as glance up. Honestly, humans were pretty selfish, keeping a sky like this all to themselves. But he couldn’t find it in himself to be even the slightest bit annoyed at humans, never mind how ridiculous and biased his thought had been. He couldn’t tear his eyes from the sky far above him, jumping frantically from star to star, trying to take everything in. A shooting star shot across the sky, to which he watched with all the wonder and innocence of a child. He felt lost in the sheer quantity, but safe among the magnificence of it all. 

Hour after hour, he stared at the sky, though they could’ve been minutes, or days. He wasn’t really sure, but couldn’t bring himself to waste precious braincells on caring when they could instead be remembering every detail of the wide expanse before him.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he tore his gaze from the sky. He began to look at his surroundings more, but could see only the same things as before. While he would love to never move again and stare at the sky for the rest of his life, he thought that he should probably at least sit up to get a better look around where he landed. Trying once again, but taking his time so as to not hurt himself more, Jisung sat up, using the brick wall behind him for support. He could feel his arms protesting, as well as, honestly, the rest of his body, but he decided to not worry about that at the moment, only focusing on moving until he was sitting, back against the wall. It was honestly an interesting feeling… he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was missing something… had walls always been this sharp? He decided it was probably his headache making him delusional, and leaned his head against the wall, exhausted at the effort of sitting up, eyes going to the stars again. Yep, they were still there, and probably would be for the rest of his time on Earth. With that thought in mind, maybe Earth wouldn’t be so bad…

Minutes passed, and the stars were soon partially covered by clouds, but Jisung didn’t mind. This only seemed to make the stars still visible shine even brighter. A small drizzle started, forcing Jisung to look down so he wouldn’t get water in his eyes. He didn’t much mind this either, though. He actually enjoyed rain a lot, and would actively go out to play in rainstorms. Sure, he might’ve gotten sick a couple of times, but it was all worth it to go splash in puddles for hours.

A spot of light bouncing off the ground caught his attention, and he turned, expecting a small puddle reflecting the light of the streetlamp. But he saw a small shiny square, bent from being in his back pocket, reflecting the light instead, and his face fell. Lightly, he could see the outline of two boys, wings on their backs, making stupid faces at the camera. Had he truly forgotten everything so fast? Is this why angels weren’t supposed to bring belongings from home? Because the journey left them scatter-brained, so they couldn’t quite remember what they had left behind? He scrambled over and grabbed the polaroid, tears already starting to fall alongside the rain. He stared at the picture, at himself, at his cousin who he almost hadn’t remembered. Suddenly, everything, his life he thought he remembered, was flooding back in crystal clarity, the past few days, months, years of his life. Everything that had led to his life crashing in on itself, everything in the grueling process of rebuilding himself. His mistakes, his pride, his fears and anxieties, his life.

Jisung clutched the picture close to his chest as he leaned back once more, staring unseeing at the wall in front of him, his mind worlds away. He felt the cold of the rain, of the night, of this world seeping into his bones, but he had neither his wings nor his cousin here to warm his small frame. He curled into himself, though whether out of sadness or loneliness or for the sake of heat preservation he didn’t know, forming a small ball next to the cold, unforgiving brick wall. He had been gone for… he didn't know how long; the in between place he had been had fucked up his sense of time for now. But he hadn't been gone long and he already missed his world, his life. He missed his uncle, his room, his wings. Most of all, though, he missed his cousin. Younghyun's teasing and nagging, his worrying, disguised care masked by annoyance. The hugs that had melted away so many of Jisung's problems over the years. 

His first year living with his uncle and cousin had been a nightmare, with those comforting hugs sometimes being the only thing allowing Jisung to sleep, ridding him of the constant nightmare he had following his father's death. The nightmare that never seemed to want to leave him alone, resurfacing night after night, for over 5 years. It always started out peaceful, just him and his father sitting in the kitchen, simply talking. Following the script of the last conversation they had ever had, before his father would be leaving to Earth, though neither of them knew this would be the last time they saw each other. They had been talking about tomatoes, had managed to drag this conversation into hour, two hours. Talking, until Jisung noticed his father’s words sounding more distant as time passed. The first few times this dream had occurred, he hadn’t even noticed it, waking in the morning with a pool of guilt sitting boiling hot in his stomach for not helping his father when he had the chance. After that however, with a strong sense of deja vu every night, he grew worried, tried to warn his father, to shake him from the script, but nothing ever worked. Minutes or hours, he never knew, he would worry over his father every night, until cut off by his uncle’s voice behind him.

“Jisung, I’m sorry. I don’t know how to tell you but…” his face was sorrowful, stoic, guilty, as he passed over a newspaper, presumably from Earth. “Man murdered by wife” read the headline, under it a picture of his father. Every night, without fail, Jisung would freeze, disbelieving, despite having seen it before. That night five years ago had been one of the worst of his life; he had tried to play it off like a joke, had tried to simply not believe it, had gotten angry, upset, scared. But in reality he felt nothing. He felt broken, shattered, unable to be fixed. He would remain that way for many years, sometimes attempting to tape himself back together but ultimately failing every time. 

In his dream, he would hold the newspaper, possibly crying, he didn’t know or care. He would say that no, his father was right here, talking with him. But when he turned, his father was gone, the situation would sink in once again, and he would awake, crying. 

For the first year of living with his cousin and uncle, he had tried to stifle his sobs, not letting anyone hear him. He was already barging into their home, into their lives. He didn’t want to appear ungrateful or stuck in the past, hung up on something that couldn’t be changed. But Younghyun had found him one morning, curled in his blanket as silent tears washed over his face, his eyes blank as he tried to rid his mind of that dream. His cousin had entered the room, originally planning to ask Jisung if he wanted to go for a morning walk down to the river, but had stopped short at the blank expression, the tears littering his face. Without a word, he was sitting on Jisung’s bed, startling him, pulling him into a hug. 

That day, that first hug, had started an unofficial morning ritual for the both of them. Younghyun would come into Jisung's room and give him comfort on the good days, and would spend the night in Jisung's room on the bad days, when his mind would not let him rest.

Day after day, year after year, Younghyun would comfort Jisung through whatever his mind threw at him, always helping him make it to the other side safely. Jisung didn't know if he would even still be alive if it weren't for his cousin, but he was eternally grateful. He looked to the sky, chose the most beautiful star, and sent a small wish of health and happiness to Younghyun, not knowing if it could even reach his cousin, but hoping against hope he would know anyway.

But then did he realize how truly alone he was. He would not have his cousin to help him on Earth. Would not have any guidance beyond his own common sense. He was stuck, trapped in a world of humans which he despised for taking his father away. He had no money, no family, no one to turn to. He was completely and utterly alone.

And so, sitting in an unfamiliar alley in an unfamiliar city in an unfamiliar world, clutching the only tie to his family and life before, Jisung lay down and cried.

**Author's Note:**

> i really hope you enjoyed this mess, ill try to get the next chapter up asap
> 
> kudos or comments would of course be appreciated
> 
> if i made any mistakes, pls tell me, im tired


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